The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
