remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Even my vagina gasped.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
