I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
