I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
