I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
