Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish I could punch you in the face.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
