im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
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You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Holy shit dude........stairs
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