You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
