Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
