I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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