It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
