Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize