gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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