woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
