I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
