I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
