Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
