Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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