I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
