overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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