it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
