He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
