i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
