Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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