Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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