This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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