just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
