So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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