Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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