so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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