White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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