Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
