the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
