i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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