Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
