driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
