Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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