The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We have started to decorate penises.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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