Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
