i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
