she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh god it's open bar.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
