i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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