Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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