It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
