Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You need a sexual gate keeper
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
