You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
