I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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