You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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