Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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