Do you still have your period?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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