I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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