i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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