currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
why does every cop we meet know your name?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
