The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
