You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
