Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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