one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
