let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
