Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
