margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm like, not good at living.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
