Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
