with your own penis?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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